The Diary Of Eric Harris


The digitized version of the original manuscript can be seen at the CNN site (PDF, starts on page 84). Here I used the transcript typed originally by Sean C., as it appears here. I did my best to correct it but, just as Sean, I preserved all the typos and the sentence structure of the original manuscript. In order to improve readability, I used the following notation to augment the text:

[Square brackets] indicate emendations and clarifications. Emendations indicate my best guess at a hopelessly misspelled or unintelligible word or phrase; they appear right after the problematic spelling, which itself is preserved. Clarifications are provided to expand acronyms, etc.

[Bold square brackets] indicate the phrase which was censored by the law officials.

Full Text

I hate the fucking world, to many god damn fuckers it in. To many thoughts about societies all wrapped up together in this place called AMERICA. Everyone has their own god damn opinion on every damn thing and you maybe saying "well what makes you so different?" because I have something only me and V [Vodka, Dylan Klebold] have, SELF AWARENESS. Call it exortenstiolism [existentialism] or whatever the fuck u want, we know what we are to this world and what everyone else is. We learn more than what caused the wild war and how to simplify quadratic in school. We have been watching you people we know what you think and how you act all talk and no actions. People who are said to be brave or couragous are usually just STUPID. then they say later that they did it on purpose cause they are brave when they did on feuding [fucking] accident. GOD everything is so corrupt and so filled with opinions and points of view and people's own little agendas and schedules. This isnt a world anymore its H.O.E. [Hell On Earth] and one knows et. self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know I will die soon, so will you and everyone else. Maybe will we be lucky and a comet will smash us back to day 1. people say it is immoral to follow others, they say be a leader, well here is a fuckin news flash for you stupid shits, everyone is a follower! Everyone who says they arent a follower and then dresses diff or acts diff.... they got that from something, they saw on TV or in film or in life. No originality, how many YO MAMMA jokes are there and how many do u think are original and not copied. KEINE. [NONE -Ger] It's a fucking fitting place we live in - all these standards and laws and great expectations (-webb) are making people into robots even though they might "think" they arent and try to deny it. No matter how hard they try to NOT copy someone. I still AM! except for this fucking piece of papers right here, and B.T.W spelling is stupid unless I say, spell it how it sounds, it's the fuckin easiest way. Hey try this sometime, when someone tells you something, ask "why?" eventually they will be stumped and cant answer anymore. Thats because they only know what they need to know in society and school, not real life science. They will end up saying words to this "because! Just shut up!" people that only know stupid facts that arent important should be shot. What fucking use are they. NATURAL SELECTION. KILL all retards, people w/ brain fuck ups, drug adicts, people who cant figure out to use a fucking light. GEEEAWD! People spend millions on saving the lives of retards, and why. I don't buy that shit like, "oh hes my son though!" so the fuck what, he aint normal, kill him. put him out this misery. "But he is worth the time, he is human too" no he aint, if he was then he would swalow a bullet cause he would realize what a fucking burden he was. -4/10/98

as I said before, self awareness is a wonderful thing. I know what all you fuckers are thinking and what to do to piss you off and make you feel bad. I always try to be different, but I always end up copying someone else, I try to be a mixture of different things and styles but when I step out of myself I end up looking like others or others THINK I am copying. One big fucking problem Is people telling me what to fuckin do, think, say, act, and everything else. ill do what you say IF I feel like it. But people (IE parents, cops, bad teachers) telling me what to just makes me not want to fucking do it! thats why my fucking name is REB!!! no one is worthy of shit unless I say they are, I feel like GOD and I wish I was having everyone being OFFICIALLY lower than me. I already know that I am higher than almost anyone in the fucking Welt [World -Ger] in terms of universal Intelligence. and where we stand in the universe compared to the rest of the UNIV. and if you think I dont know what Im talking about then you can just "BUCK DICH" and saugen mein Hund! [suck my dog] Isnt america supposed to be the land of the free? how come, If im free I cant deprive a stupid fucking dumbshit from his possessions If he leaves them sitting in the front seat of his fucking van out in plain sight and in the middle of fucking nowhere on a Frifuckingday night. NATURAL SELECTION. fucker should be shot. same thing with all those rich snotty toadies at my school. fuckers think they are higher than me and everyone else with all their $ just because they were born into it? Ich denk NEIN. [I think not. -Ger] BTW, "sorry" is just a word, it doesnt mean SHIT to me. everyone should be put to a test. an ULTIMATE DOOM test, see who can survive in an environtment using only smarts and military skills. [Doom] put them in a doom world, no authority, no refuge, no BS copout excuses. If you cant figure out the area of a triangle or what "cation" menas, you DIE! if you cant take down a demon w/ a chainsaw or kill a hell prince w/ a shotgun, you die! fucking snotty rich fuckheads [censored] who rely on others or on sympathy or to get them through life should be put to this challenge. plus it would get rid of all the fat, retarded, crippled, stupid, dumb, ignorant, worthless people of this world, no one is worthy of this planet only me and whoever I choose. there is just no respect for anything higher than your fucking boss or parent. everyone should be shot out into space and only the people I say should be left behind. 4/12/98

ever wonder why we go to school? besides getting a so called education. its not to obvious to most of you stupid fucks but for those who think a little more and deeper you should realize it. its societies way of taming all the young people into good little robots and factory workers thats why we sit in desks in rows and go by bell schedules, to get prepared for the real world cause "thats what its like" well god damnit no it isnt! one thing that seperates us from other animals is the fact that we can carry on actual thoughts so why don't we? people go on day by day rutine shit. why cant we learn in school how we want to. why cant we sit on desks and on shelves and put our feet up and relax while we learn? cause thats not what the "real world is like". well hey fuckheads, there is no such thing as an actual "real world" its just another word like justice, sorry, pity, religion, faith, luck and so on. we are humans if we dont like something we have the fucking ability to change! but we dont, atleast U dont, I would. U just whine/bitch thoughtout life but never do a goddamn thing to change anything. "man can eat, drink, fuck, and hunt and anything else he does is madness" - Based on Lem's quote. boy oh fuckin boy is that true. when I go NBK [Natural Born Killers] and people say things like "oh it was so tragic!" or "oh he is crazy!" or "It was bloody!" I think, so the fuck what, you think thats a bad thing? just because your mommy and daddy told you blood and violence is bad, you think its a fucking law of nature? wrong, only science and math are true, everything, and I mean every fucking thing else is man made. my doctor wants to put me on medication to stop thinking about so many things and to stop getting angry. well, I think that anyone who doesnt think like me is just bullshitting themselves. try it sometime if you think you are worthy, which you prolly will you little shits, drop all your beliefs and views and ideas that have been burned into your head and try to think about why your here. but I bet most of you fuckers cant even think that deep, so that is why you must die. how dare you think that I and you are part of the same species when we are soooooooo different. you arent human you are a Robot. you dont take advantage of your capabilites given to you at birth. you just drop them and hop onto the boat and headdown the stream of life with all the other fuckers of your type. well goddamnit I wont be a part of it! I have thought to much, realized to much, found out to much, and I am to self aware to just stop what I am thinking and go back to society because what I do and think isnt "right" or "morally accepted" NO, NO, NO, GOD FUCKING DAMNIT NO! I will sooner die than betray my own thoughts. but before I leave this worthless place, I will kill whoever I deam unfit for anything at all. especially life. and if you pissed me off in the past, you will die if I see you, because you might be able to piss off others and have it eventually all blow over but not me. I dont forget people who wronged me, like [censored] he will never get a chance to read this because he will be dead by me before this is discovered. -4/21/98

The human race sucks. human nature is smuthered out by society, jobs and work and school. instincts are deleted by laws. I see people say Things that contradict themselves, or people that dont take any advantage to the gift of human life. They waste their minds on memorizing the stats of every college basketball player or how many words should be an a report when they should be using their brain on more important things. The human race isnt worth fighting for anymore. WWII was the last war worth fighting and was the last time human life and human brains did any good any [and] made us proud. now, with the government having scandals and conspiracies all over the fucking place and lying to everyone all the time and with worthless pointless mindless disgraceful TV shows on and with everyone ub-fucking-sessed with hollywood and beauty and fame and glamour and politics and anything famous, people just arent worth saving. Society may not realize what is happening but I have; you go to school, to get used to studying and learning how youre "supposed to" so that drains [possibly "draws"] or filters out alittle bit of human nature; but thats after your parents taught you whats right and wrong even thought you may think different, you still must follow the rules. after school you are expected to get a job or go to college; to have more of your human nature blown out of your ass, society trys to make everyone act the same by burying all human nature and instincts. Thats what school laws, jobs, and parents do, If they realize it or not. and then, then few who stick to their natural instincts are casted out as psychos or immature or strangers or just plain different. crazy, strange, weird, wild, these words are not bad or degrading. if humans were let to live how we would naturaly it would be chaos and anarchy and the human race wouldnt probably last that long, but hey guess what, thats how its supposed to be!!!!! society and government are only created to have order and calmness, which is exactly the opposite of sure human nature. take away all your laws and morals and just see what you can do. if the goverment was one entity it would be thinking "hey, lets make some order here and calm these crazy fucks down so we can be constructive and fight other governments in our own little so called self created "civilizied world" and get rid of all those damn insticts everyone has" well shit I'm to tired wright anymor tonight, so until next time, fuck you all -5/6/98

It has been confirmed, after getting my yearboook and watching people like [censored] and [censored] the human race isn't worth fighting for, only worth killing. give the Earth back to the animals, they deserve it infinitely more than we do. nothing means anything more, most quotes are worthless, especially the rearranged ones like "dont fight your enemies, make your enemies fight" you know, quotes that use the same phrase just rearranged, Dumbfuck shit (illegible) wear, its funny, people say "you shoudln't be so different." to me, and 1st I say fuck you dont tell me what I should and shouldn't be and 2ND mother fuckers different is good, I dont want to be like you or anyone which is almost impossible this day w/ all the little shits trying to be "orginal-copycats", I expect shits like you to criticize anyone who isnt one of your social words; "normal" or "civilized" - see: Tempest and Caliban. all you degrading worthless shits. all caught up and brainwashed into the 90's society. "what? you AREN'T going to college, are you are crazy!" holy SHIT that is one fucking BIG Quote that just proves my point. step back and look at yourself fuckers, I dare you, maybe I'll get lucky and you'll step back to far like Nick in Elms [possibly "E/M3"]. w/ the same concequences. -5/9/98

wooh, different pen. HA! alright you pathetic fools listen up; I have figured it out. the human race strives for excellence in life and community always wanting to bring more =good= into the comm. and nulify =bad= things, anyone who thinks differently than the majority or the leaders is deamed "unusual" or weird or crazy. people want to be apart of something; a family, a service, a club, a union, a community, whatever. Thats what humans want. who cares waht you as an individual thinks, you must do what you are told, whether it is jump of a bridge or drive on the right side of the road. protesters in the past protested because the human race that was dominant (Ghandi and the Brits or the king and the americans) wasnt working out == they had fault == they failed == their ideas didnt work. [the actual sign used is the congruence: three horizontal bars] humans dont change that much, they only get better technology to do their work quckier/easier. people always say we should be racist- why not? Blacks ARE different, like it or not. They are. they started on the bottom so why not keep em there. it took the centuries to convince us that they are equal but they still use their color as an excuse or they just discriminate us because we are white. Fuck, you should ship yer black asses back to Afrifuckingca were you came from. we brought you here and we will take you back. America=White. Gays....well all gays, ALL gays, should be killed. mit keine fragen. [without questions. -Ger] lesbians are fun to watch if they are hot but still, its not human. its a fucking disease. you dont see bulls or roosters trying to fuck do you? no, I didn't think so. women you will always be under men. its been seen throughout nature, males are almost always doing the dangerous shit while the women stay back. its your animal instincts, deal with it or commit suicide, just do it quick. thats all for now. -5/20/98

If you recall your history the Nazis came up with a "final solution" to the Jewish problem... kill them all. well incase you havent figured it out yet, I say, "K I L L M A N K I N D". no one should survive. we all live in ties. people are saying they want to live in a perfect society, well utopia doesnt exist. It is human to have flaws. you know what, Fuck it. why should I have to explain myself to you survivors when half of this shit I say you shitheads wont understand and if you can then woopie fucking do. that just means you have something to say as my reason for killing. and the majority of the audience wont even understand my motives either! they'll say "ah, hes crazy, hes insane, oh well, I wonder if the bulls won." you see! it's fucking worthless! all you fuckers should die! DIE! what the fuck is the point if only some people see what I am saying, there will always be ones who dont, ones that are to dumb or naive or ignorrant or just plain retarded. If I cant pound it into every single persons head then it is pointless, fuck mercy fuck justice fuck morals fuck civilized fuck rules fuck laws. DIE manmade words...people think they apply to everything when they dont/cant. theres no such thing as True Good or True Evil, its all relative to the observer. its just all nature, chemistry, and math, deal with it. but since dealing with it seems impossible for mankind, since we have to slap warning labels on nature, then ... you die. burn, melt, evaporate, decay, just go the fuck away!!!! YAAAAAH!!!! -6/12/98-

"when in doubt, confuse the hell out the enemy" -Fly 9/2/98

wait, mercy doesnt exist...

heres something to chew on...:today I saw a program on the discovery channel about satelites and radar and aircraft and stuff, and at the end of the show the narrator said some things that made me think "damn, we are so advanced, we kick ass, america is awesome, we have so many things in our military, we would kick anyones ass." for a minute I actually had some pride in our nation... then I realized, "hey this only the Good things that I am seeing here. only the Pros, not the cons. maybe thats what people see, only the Pros, and thats why they are under control, but me, I see all... you can only blind me for so long.["] but alas, I have realized that Yes, the human race is still indeed doomed. It just needs a few kick starts, like me, and hell maybe even [censored]. If I can whipe a few cities off the map, and even the fuckhead Holding the map, then great. hmm, just thinking if I want ALL humans dead or maybe just the quote - unquote "civilized developed and known-off" places on Earth. maybe leave little tribes of natives in the rain forest er something. hmm, Ill think about that. eh, done for tonight -REB- -6/13/98

As part of the human race, and having the great pleasure of being blessed with a brain, I can think. Humans can do whatever they want. There are no laws of nature that prevent humans from making choices. maybe from actually DOING some of those choices, but not from making the choices. If a man choosses to speed while driving home one day, then it is his fault for whatever happens. If he crashes into a school bus full of kidies and they all burn to death, its his fault. Its only a tragedy if you think it is, and then its only a tragedy in your own mind. so you shouldn't expect others to think that way also. it could also be a miracle for another person. maybe the bus stopped the car from plowing into a little old lady walking on the sidewalk, one could think it was a "miracle" that she wasnt hit. you see, everything and everything that happens in our world is just that a HAPPENING. anything else is relative to the observer. but yet we try to have a "universal law" or "code" of what is good and bad and that just isnt fucking correct. we shouldn't be allowed to do that. we arent GODS, just because we are at the top of the food chain with our technology doesnt mean we can be "judges" of nature. sure we can think what we can think what we want, but you can "think" and "believe" you can judge people and nature all you want, but you are still wrong! why should your morals apply to everyone else. "morals" is just another word and thats it. I think we are all a waste of natural resources and should be killed off. and since humans have the ability to choose... and I'm human... I think I will choose to kill and damage as much as nature allows me to. so take that, fuck you, and eat napalm + lead! HA! only nature can stop me. I know I could get shot by a cop after only killing a single person, but hey guess the fuck WHAT! I choose to kill that one person so get over it! Its MY fault! not my parents, not my brothers, not my friends, not my favorite bands, not computer games, not the media. IT is MINE! go shut the fuck up! -REB- 7/29/98

someones bound to say "what were they thinking?" when we go NBK or when we were planning it, so this what I am thinking. "I have a goal to destroy as much as possible so I must not be sidetracked by my feelings of sympathy, mercy, or any of that, so I will force myself to believe that everyone is just another monster from Doom like FH [Former Human - mob in Doom] or FS [Former Sergeant] or demons, so It's either me or them. I have to turn off my feelings." keep this is mind, I want to burn the world, I want to kill everyone except about 5 people, who I will name later, so If you are reading this you are lucky you escaped my rampage because I wanted to kill you. It will be very tricky getting all of our supplies, explosives, weapons, ammo, and then hiding it all and then actually planting it all so we can achieve our goal. but if we get busted any time, we start killing then and there, just like Wilks from the ALIENS books, I aint going out without a fight. Once I finally start my killing, keep this in mind, there are probably about 100 people max in the school alone who I dont want to die, the rest, MUST FUCKING DIE! If I didnt like you or if you pissed me off and lived through my attackes, consider yourself one lucky god damn NIGGER. Pity that a lot of the dead will be a waste in someways, like dead hot chicks who were still bitches, they could have been good fucks. oh well, too fucking bad. life isnt fair... not by a long fuckin shot when Im at the wheel too. God I want to torch and level everything in this whole fucking area but Bombs of that size are hard to make, and plus I would need a fuckin fully loaded A-10 to get every store on wadsworth and all the buildings downtown. heh, Imagine THAT ya fuckers, picture half of denver on fire just from me and Vodka. napalm on sides of skyscrapers and car garages blowing up from exploded gas tanks....oh man that would be beautiful - 10/23/98

you know what, I feel like telling about lies. I lie alot, almost constant, and to everybody. just to keep my own ass out of the water. and by the way I dont think I am doing this for attention, as some people may think. lets see, what are some big lies I have told, "yeah I stopped smoking" "for doing it not for getting caught" "no I havent been making more bombs," "no I wouldn't do that," and course countless of other ones, and yeah I know that I hate liers and I am one myself, oh fucking well. Its ok If I am a hypocrite, but no one else because I am higher then you people, no matter what you say if you disagree I would shoot you. And I am one racist mother fucker too, fuck the niggers and spics and chinks, unless they are cool, but sometimes they are so fucking retarded they deserve to be ripped on. some people go through life begging to be shot. and white fucks are just the same. if I could nuke the world I would, because so far I hate you all. there are prolly around 10 people I wouldnt want to die. but, who ever said life is fair should be shot like the others too. - 11/1/98

heh heh heh. I sure had fun this weekend. lets see, what really happened. before going to the Rock n Bowl we stopped by King Soopers and me and and [censored] picked up some big ass stoges. we then went to the Rock n Bowl and I had a few cigarettes and one of my brand new cigars. we then went back to [censored] house where her mom had previousely bought us all a fuck load of liquor. personally I had asked for Tequilla and Irish cream, Vodka got his Vodka, and there was beer, whiskey, schnapps, puchers, scotch and of course, orange juice! so we had some fun there playing cards and making drinks. we eventually made it to bed at about 5AM got up at 10, ewnt to safeway got some donuts and then I took Vodka home. the bottle of tequilla is almost full and is in car, right by my spare tire and right by the bottle of irish cream. heh heh. I'll have to find a spot for those. and by the way, this nazi report [his school paper] is boosting my love of killing even more. like the early Nazi government, my brain is like a sponge, sucking up everything that sounds cool and leaving out all that is worthless, thats how Nazism was formed and thats how I will be too! 11/8/98

Fuck you Brady! all I want is a couple of guns, and thanks to your fucking bill I will probably not get any! come on, I'll have a clean record and I only want for personal protection. Its not like I'm some person who would go on a shooting spree ... fuckers. Ill probably end up nuking everything and fucking robbing some gun collectors house. Fuck, thatll be be hard. oh well, just as long as I kill a lot of fucking people. Everyone is always making fun of me because of how I look, how fucking weak I am and shit, well I will get you all back: ultimate fucking revenge here. you people could have shown more respect, treated me better, asked for knowledge or guidence more, treated me more like senior and maybe I wouldn't have been as ready to tear your fucking heads off. Then again, I have always hated how I looked, I make fun of people who look like me, sometimes without even thinking sometimes just because I want to rip on myself. Thats where a lot of my hate grows from. The fact that I have practically no selfesteem, especially concerning girls and looks and such. therefore people make fun of me .. constantly..therefore I get no respect and therefore I get fucking PISSED as of this date I have enough explosives to kill about 100 people, and then if I get a couple of bayonets, swords, axes, whatever I'll be able to kill at least 10 more and that just isnt enough! GUNS! I need guns! Give me some fucking firearms! 11/12/98

HATE! I'm full of hate and I Love it. I HATE PEOPLE and they better fucking fear me if they know whats for em. you [I] hate and I guess I want others to know it. yes I'm racist and I don't mind. Niggs and spics bring it on themselves, and another thing, I am very racist towards white trash p.o.s.s [pieces of shit] like [censored] and [censored] they deserve the hatred, otherwise I probly wouldnt hate them. Its a tragedy, the human nature of people will lead to their downfall. Peoples human nature will get them killed. whether by me or Vodka, Its happened and not just in school shootings like those pussy dumbasses over in Minnesota who squeeled. [Red Lake High School massacre] throughtout history, Its our fucking nature! I know how people are and why and I cant stand it! I love the nazis the way, I fucking cant get enough of the swastika, the SS, and the iron cross. Hitler and his head boys fucked up a few times and it cost them the war, but I love their beliefs and who they were, what they did, and what they wanted. I know that form of gov couldn't have lasted long once the human equation was brought in, but damnit it sure looked good. every form of gov leads to downfalls, everything will always fuck up or yea something. its all DOOMED goddamnit. this is beginning to make me get in a corner. I'm showing too much of myself, my views and thoughts, people might start to wonder, smart ones will get nosey and something might happen to fuck me over, I might need to put on one helluva mask here to fool you all some more. fuck fuck fuck it'll be very fucking hard to hold out until April. If people would give me more compliments all of this might still be avoidable.. but probably not. Whatever I do people make fun of me, and sometimes directly to my face. I'll get revenge soon enough. fuckers shouldn't have ripped on me so much huh! HA! then again its human nature to do what you did... so I guess I am also attacking the human race. I cant take it, Its not right...true..correct...perfect. I fucking hate the human equation. Nazism would be fucking great if it werent for individualism and our natural instinct to ask questions. you know what maybe I just need to get laid. maybe thatll just change some shit around. thats another thing, I am a fucking dog. I have fantasies of just taking someone and fucking them hard and strong. someone like [censored] were I just pick her up, take her to my room, tear off her shirt and pants and just eat her out and fuck her hard. I love flesh..weisses fleisch! [white flesh -Ger] dein weisses fleisch emegt mich so..Ich bin dech nr ein gilt! I want to grab a few different girls in my gym class, take them into a room, pull their pants off and fuck them hard. I love flesh, the smooth legs, the large breasts, the innocent flawless body, the eyes, the hair, jet black, blond, white, brown. ahhh I just want to fuck! call it teenage hormones or call it a crazy fuckin racist rapist... es ist mir egal. [it is all the same to me. -Ger] I just want to be surrounded by the flesh of a woman, someone like [censored] who I wanted to just fuck like hell, she made me practically drool, when she wore those shorts to work.. instant hard on.. I couldnt stop staring. and like [list of names] in my gym class, [censored] or whatever in my gym class, and others who I just want to over power and engulf myself in them. mmmm I can taste the sweet flesh now.. the salty sweat, the animalistic movement. Icccchhh lieeeebe ....fleiscccchhh. who can I trick into my room? I can sweep someone off their feet, tell them what they want to hear, be all nice and sweet, and then "fuck em like an animal, feel them from the inside" as Reznor said. oh - thats something else. ..that one NIN video I saw, broken or closer or something, the where the guy is kidnapped and tortured like hell..actual hell. I want to do that too. I want to tear a throat out with my own teeth like a pop can. I want to gut someone with my hand, to tear a head off and rip out the heart and lungs from the neck, to stab someone in the gut, shove it up to the heart, and get the fucking blade out of their rib cage! I want to grab some weak little freshman and just tear them apart like a fucking wolf. show them who is god. strangle them, squish their head, bite their temples into the skull, rip off their jaw. rip off their colar bones, break their arms in half and twist them around, the lovely sounds of bones cracking and flesh ripping..ahh so much to do and so little chances. - 11/17/98

Well folks, today was a very important day in the history of R. Today along with Vodka and someone else who I wont name, we went downtown and purchased the following; a double barrel 12ga shotgun, a pump action 12ga shotgun, a 9mm carbine, 250 9mm rounds, 15 12ga slugs, 40 shotgun shells, 2 switch blade knives, and total of 4-10 clips for the carbine. we....... have....GUNS! we fucking got em you sons of bitches! HA! HAHAHAHA! Booga Booga! heh. its all over now. this capped it off, the point of no return. I have my carbine, shotgun, ammo and knife all in my trunk tonight and theyll stay there till tomorrow...after school you know its really a shame. I had a lot of fun at that gun show, I would have loved it if you were there dad we could done some major bonding. would have been great. oh well. but alas, I fucked up and told [censored] about my "flask" that really disappoints me[censored] I know you thought it was good for me in the long run and all that shit, smart of you to give me a such big raise and then rat me out, you figure it was supposed to cancel each other? goddamn flask, that just fucked me over bigtime. now you all will be on my ass ever than before about being on track. Ill get around it though, If have to cheat and lie to everyone thats fine. THIS is what I am motivated for. THIS is my goal. THIS is what I want to do with my life! you know whats weird, I dont feel like a punching through a door of the flask deal, probly cause I am fucking armed now. I feel more confident, stronger, and more Godlike, I have confidence in my ability to deseve people, hopefully Ill make it to April, but that might not happen. Ugh, Its been a busy weekend, I need to sleep, Ill continue tomorrow. 11/22/98

yesterday we fired our first actual firearms ever. 3 rounds from the carbine. taught that ground a thing or 2. I even had the 2 clips in my pocket while talking to vodkas dad about senior ditch day. God it felt great firing off that bad boy and hopefully I'll be able to get more than just 4 clips for it. I dubbed my shotgun "Arlene" after Arlene Sanders from the DooM books. Shes always did love the shotgun. Vodka's DB is looking very fucking awesome, all cut down to the proper lengths. this is a bitch trying to keep up on homework while working on my guns, bombs, and lying. by the way, I bought that flask in the mall and I had a friend fill it up w/ scotch whiskey, only had about 3 swigs in the 3 weeks I had it. plus monday I gave my T and IC to Vodka, just in case. I never really did like alcohol, just wasn't my thing, but It felt good to just have around. That argument on the 22nd was a real bitch, but I think I should have won a fucking oscar. I even quoted a few movies, remember, "what the hell am I doing here man?! What am I gonna do!?" thats good ole Hudson from aliens. Sounded good too and hey goddamnit I would have been a fucking great marine. It would have given me a reason to do good and I would never drink and drive either. It will be weird when we actually go on the rampage. hopefully we will have plenty of clips and bombs. Im gonna still try and get my calico 9mm. just think, 100 rounds without reloading....hell yeah! We actually may have a chance to get some machine pistols thanks to the Brady bill. If we can save up about 2000 real quick and find someone who is 21+ we can go to the next gun show and find a private dealer and buy ourselves some bad-ass AB-10 machine pistols. Clips for those things can get really fucking big too. 12/3/98

Woohoo, I'll never have to take a final again! feels good to be free. I just love Hobbes and Nietzche. Well tomorrow I'll be ordering 9 more 10 round clips for my carbine. I'm gonna be so fucking loaded in about a month. the big things we need to figure now is the time bombs for the commons and how we will get them in and leave them there to go off, without any fucking jews finding them. I wonder if anyone will write a book on me. sure is a ton of symbolism, double meanings, themes, appearance vs reality shit going on here. oh well, it better be fuckin good if it is writtin. 12/17/98

hey get this. KMFDM's new album is entitled "Adios" and it's released dates in April. how fuckin appropriate, a subliminal final "Adios" tribute to Reb and Vodka, thanks KMFDM... I ripped the hell out the system 12/20/98

jesus christ that was fucking close. fucking shitheads at the gun shop almost dropped the whole project. oh well, thank good I can BS so fucking well. I went and picked up those babies Today, so now I got 13 of those niggers. WooHAH. the stereo is very nice, but having no insurance payments to worry about so I could concentrate of BOMBS would have been better. oh well, I think I'll have enough, now I just need to get Vodka another gun. 12/29/98

Months have passed. Its the first Friday night in the final month. much shit has happened. Vodka has a Tec 9, we test fired all of our babies, we have 6 time clocks ready, 39 crickets, 24 pipe bombs, and the napalm is under construction. Right now I'm trying to get fucked and trying to finish off these time bombs. NBK came quick. why the fuck cant I get any? I mean, I'm nice and considerate and all that shit, but noooo. I think I try to hard. but I kinda need to considering NBK is closing in. The amount of dramatic irony and foreshadowing is fucking amazing. Everything I see and I hear I incorporate into NBK somehow. Either bombs, clocks, guns, napalm, killing people, any and everything finds some tie to me. feels like a Goddamn movie sometimes. I wanna try to put some mines and trip bombs around this town too maybe. Get a few extra flags on the scoreboard. I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don't fucking say, "well thats your fault" because it isnt, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo. 4/3/99